How to Survive

How to Survive

The truth about most dilemmas in life, and God knows I have found myself immersed in a few, always boils down to an amazing reduction, based on the finest ingredients that Mother Earth can produce. I use the term “dilemma” loosely to cover a spectrum that goes from annoyance to disaster. The way to muddle through the bumps or sledgehammers of life is not (although these can be quite entertaining) money, pharma, libation, sex, shopping, food, exercise, religion, or add your personal method of coping here if I didn’t cover yours. I am talking G-I-R-L-F-R-I-E-N-D-S, people!

Seems self-explanatory, right? Not exactly, because I have to include gay men. I am a girl and they are my friends.  So for the sake of accurate referencing, they are included when the word girlfriend or any other semanticism is tossed about. (I don’t think that’s a real word, semanticism, but I LOVE it!)

Who you turn to when s%&t happens is just as important as who is going to call you when her s%&t happens.

I know what my Southern contemporaries are thinking.  If you were raised in the church every time the doors were flung open, you’re thinking, “What about Jesus?” right?  Well, even though He performs miracles, like changing water into wine, I don’t have His cell phone number or email address, so that disqualifies Him and His Daddy from this discussion. They have their job and this isn’t it. They can’t give me a ride home when I should not have had that last cocktail or help me decorate. Yes, I am a mixture of Heathen and Christian. I mean, let’s just think for a minute who Jesus chose to hang out with. They weren’t exactly on the list of who’s who for stellar behavior! And neither are my girlfriends!

Thank goodness!

The best people in the world are hopelessly flawed individuals who accept hopeless flaws as humanity at its finest.

I think a few of us spent a hot fifteen minutes of our lives trying to decorate like Martha Stewart, parent like the Huxtables, cook like Julia Child, save the world like Mother Teresa, sing like Madonna, look like Marilyn Monroe, be as informed as Oprah and stand by her man like Hillary Clinton.  There is a reason that illusion and delusion sound so much alike.

We ladies are perfectly imperfect. Girlfriends can go off the deep end and it doesn’t scare us. We throw a flotation device like a girl and if that doesn’t work, we jump right in.  If one if us looks awful on a bad day, we share our lipstick. If one of us falls to pieces, we bring a broom. You get the picture.

If you are lucky enough to have a covey of girlfriends, you are lucky enough.

I would like to wish Girlfriends all over the world, a complete holiday season that is free of drama, fisticuffs, blackouts, nervous breakdowns and law enforcement! But if you find yourself in a pickle, you have my number!

Peace on Earth!!